Final Fantasy: Advent Idol!
by TheLlamaTamer
Summary: The characters from Final Fantasy: Advent Children come together in a singing compition not unlike American Idol!
1. Chapter 1: Reno's audition

**Final Fantasy: Advent Idol!**

Okay so this is like my first story that I'll be posting.

WARNING! I am a random person that likes random things! So I will be incorporating that into my story about the amusing antics of the Final Fantasy: Advent Children gang. YOU WERE WARNED!

I will be using my character that I made up to host the show, her name is Tessa. GET USED TO IT! Anyhoo if you like a guy and I make him do something stupid (i.e. throw himself (or herself) out of a window and into oncoming traffic and survive) don't come crying to me because I do not care. Also I do not own the characters… BUT I DO OUR THEIR SOULS confirms with a lawyer Okay I can say that… I think. He's not that competent. I also do not own American Idol I am simply spoofing it. Yes I said spoofing, it's a word and it's really really fun to say! Say it with me loud and proud SPOOFING! I also don't own the songs…unless I decide to make one up then that will be very obvious!

ANYWAY ON WITH THE SHOW!

A young woman around the age of 20 was standing in the middle of a crowed lobby. She had extremely long dark brown hair that almost touched her knees. Her eyes were extremely dark but lips very red. She wore BAGGY black jeans, I can't stress that enough, and black long-sleeved shirt with a orange and blue striped layered over top of it.

"HELLO and welcome to the first ever Final Fantasy: Advent Idol! I'm Tessa, YOUR HOST and since we are poor we can only afford one episode! Doesn't that suck folks?" Tessa announced. A crowd of people sitting on an awkwardly placed bench replied, "Yeah, I guess" "Sure, what ever."

"Anyway, we will be auditioning a select few then YOU" Tessa pointed menacingly at the camera. "Get to vote on the winner! YAY! Can you feel the excitement?" She asked to no one in particular.

"No." All the folks on the bench replied in unison. Tessa shrugged it off and continued.

"Aw, what ever, lets go to our first contestant! RENO! Could you come on up here?" She asked. A young man in a black suit jacket walked on up like he was going to be put in the electric chair.

"What?" He asked.

"It's your turn to audition…WAIT I FORGOT TO INTRODUCE THE JUDGES!" Tessa screamed wildly. She turned to Reno "One sec." And then proceeded to hurl herself into the judging room were two men and a young woman sat waiting. "This is judge number one, RUFUS!" a man draped in a white bed sheet for no apparent reason sat in a wheelchair closest to the door. He nodded his head in acknowledgement.

"This is judge number two, YUFFIE!" Tessa continued. This girl however only looked between the ages of 16 and18. She was Asian and had short black hair, with a headband on her forehead.

She was jumping up and down in her chair, between the two men, due to the vigorous waving of her arm; all in all she looked like a crazed anime character.

"And my favourite judge…RUDE!" Tessa announced throwing her arms up in praise.

This judge was completely bald and he covered his eyes with a pair of dark sunglasses. He was wearing a black suit that was really intimidating. He slouched back in his chair and gave the camera a nod in acknowledgement.

Tessa left the room muttering 'that guy is always wearing sunglasses' and then snapped back to reality as soon as she noticed Reno sitting there nervously.

"SO RENO! You ready?" Tessa shouted at Reno who nearly jumped out of his skin.

"I guess. I'm a little nervous but I guess I'll-" He started but Tessa cut him off.

"Blah blah blah! Boring! Goodbye" and she shoved him through the large auditioning room doors and slamming them behind him.

Reno shook off the savage manor of how he entered the room, to look up and see all three judges staring maliciously at him.

"What are you going to sing?" Rude said right away.

"I'm going to sing 'Bad' by Michael Jackson." Reno said nervously.

"OOO I LOVE THAT SONG! Okay go!" Yuffie screamed. Reno closed his eyes and taped the rhythm of the song with his foot.

"Well They Say The Sky's The Limit And To Me That's Really True But My Friend You Have Seen Nothing Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . .Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad- Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad- Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again, Who's Bad…" Reno belted out with a series of amazing Michael Jackson moves.  
"That's all I needed to hear" Rufus told him signalling him to stop. At the end of the song Yuffie's eye welled up with tears.

"THAT WAS THE BEST RENDITION OF THAT SONG I'VE EVER HEARD!" She exclaimed with tears dripping down her face.

"Yes, that was quiet satisfactory" Rude said trying to keep a straight face at the sight of his colleague making a complete ass of himself.

"That was good but we have no power over the decision of the vote so it really doesn't matter what I say then. You may leave." Rufus said bluntly. Reno scurried out of the room like a scared duck and collapsed on a bench outside.

"SO! How did you do?" Tessa asked sitting beside him now equipped with a microphone.

"Fine I guess. They didn't scream at me."

"WOW! That's an improvement! They're usually screamers." Tessa said in amazement, while just behind the big auditioning room doors Rude, Yuffie and Rufus were having an intelligent and sophisticated conversation about politics.

"Good job Reno" Tessa said clapping him on the back. "So if you want to vote for Reno, wait until the end of the show to cast your vote. We still have many more great performances to choose from but next up is… TIFA LOCKHART!"


	2. Chapter 2: Tifa's audition

Tessa dragged over a young woman in her twenties by the wrist. She was Asian and had dark hair and was wearing black top and black shorts.

"So Tifa. It's your turn to go and do yo thang!" Tessa did a little hip-hop dace with these last three words.

"Well I guess so." Tifa replied.

"And what will you be singing?"

"I will be singing Butterfly from that DDR game." Tifa explained.

"A yes very nice." Tessa replied distractedly. "So, you go now" and she shoved Tifa into the room. Tifa flew past the judges and hit the wall with a loud crash. She got up very wobbley.

"Hello" Rufus said as she got up.

"Hello Hello" Rude said peeking over his sunglasses.

"YAY TIFA! MY FRIEND! I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT!" Yuffie screamed wildly, throwing her arms in the air. Tifa looked down at her outfit. It was the one she always wore, nothing at all had changed on it.

"Oh, Okay then" she replied.

"You may proceed to singing then proceed to leaving" Rufus said bluntly. Tifa cleared her throat preparing to sing.

"I've been searching for a man All across Japan Just to find, to find my samurai." She bellowed at the judges. Singing louder didn't make her sound better. "Someone who is strong but still a little shy. Yes I need, I need my samurai. Iyaiyai, I'm your little butterfly. Green, black and blue, make the colors in the sky. Iyaiyai, I'm your little butterfly. Green, black and blue, make the colors in the sky." Along with this horrible song went a dance. Not any dance but a wild and out of control gypsy dance that was even worse then the song.

"Okay that's enough" Rufus said rubbing his head. Tifa ceased the crazy dance. "That was…"

"AMAZING! I LOVED IT!" Yuffie screamed.

"Can you only talk in capital letters?" Rude asked.

" I THINK SO!…YAY!" Yuffie shrieked again.

"That was frightening Tifa I have to be honest with you." Rude said. You could tell this statement was really breaking his heart.

"I would of said dreadful, maybe even violating" Rufus butted in. Tears welled up in Tifa's eyes.

"HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH HURTFUL THINGS?" Yuffie once again bellowed to the heavens.

"Easy, watch. Yuffie you are an annoying little moron that doesn't know when to throw yourself pr your throwing star at the enemy." Rude said bluntly and at that moment Yuffie lost it and a flood of tears gushed from Yuffie's eyes.

"Tifa, you may leave." Rufus said. Tifa ran out of the room tears streaming down her face. Tessa, just then, got up and rushed to the crying Tifa.

"So, I guess it went pretty well. You have tears of joy in your eyes!" Tessa said.

"You idiot these are regular tears." Tifa said whipping her eyes.

"I'M NOT AN IDIOT" Tessa exploded and walloped Tifa good in the face rendering Tifa unconscious. "Sorry about that folks!"

"That's okay she was stupid anyway" The folks on the risers all replied in unison. At these word Tessa perked up a bit.

"Your right I'm not feeling to bad… maybe at the end me and Tifa could have a death match right in the auditioning room to see who is better. I, of course, will rein superior over her and the rest of the world with my awesome-" Tessa ranted on.

"GET ON WITH IT!" The folks screamed in unison again, just then for no apparent reason, a small child hurled its ice cream on the floor.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Anyway next up is my good old buddy Cloud!" Tessa said reaching out of camera shot and pulling in the spiky blond haired boy. "So…"

"How did you do that?" Cloud asked in amazement, he had been previously walking out of the bathroom on the other side of the room when she had done this.

"With magic of course" She said this like it was an obvious thing "Anyway your next, any last words?"

"You're going to kill me in there?" Cloud asked in a shocked and fearful tone.

"Ah, yes very moving. Quote of the century" Tessa said not even hearing or caring what his last words were and she once again hurled another contestant into the auditioning room


	3. Chapter 3: Cloud's audition

_I do not own anything, not even the BackStreet Boys…you'll see. This will be Cloud's audition. I hope you enjoy it…Cloud may not be EXACTLY in character for this. Oh, I don't enjoy country music…don't take it personally I just HATE country music and Carrie Underwood._

The blond recovered from his fall.

"What's with her?" As he attempted to regain his balance.

"With who?" Rude asked,

"Your host!"

"Tessa? Ain't she a doll?" Rude said fondly.

"She just hurler Tifa and me into this auditioning room then knocked Tifa's lights out when she called Tessa an idiot!" Cloud screamed.

"Well you weren't going in on your own." Rufus tried to justify for Tessa.

"I WAS GOING TO! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE!" Cloud screamed to the heavens.

"Oh, well maybe we should talk to her. TESSA COULD YOU COME IN HERE FOR A SECOND" Rude bellowed instead of going to the door, peeking his head out and gesturing to Tessa to come in here, but unfortunately that is to logical and that simply would not be accepted in my story. Anyway,

"Yeah." Tessa came in happily.

"Could said that you assaulted Tifa and forced all of our contestants into this room." Rufus said. "Is this true?"

"Well a little bit" Tessa said nervously scuffing the ground wit her feet and twisting her hair around her finger.

"Well as long as you admit to it. Your free to leave" Rude said, letting Tessa off the hook. Cloud stared at the judges then back at Tessa, then back to the judges again.

"What- she. I mean to say…THAT'S CRAP" Cloud finally blurted out. Tessa smiled widely and skipped out to the lobby.

"Don't worry about her, silly! Just sing your lovely song for us." Yuffie said resting her head on her hands and her elbows on the table.

"Okay sure. I'm going to sing 'On My Own' by Hedley." Cloud stated. Yuffie smiled and nodded to tell him to go on.

"Stayed awake all night toss and turning. Now my blood shot eyes are burnin'. Workin' out why this ain't workin' Fight after fight after fight And now it's killin' me You were too busy to believe in All the run away dreams I was dreamin' Time to pack up and go I'm leavin' Fight after fight after fight And now I gotta be On My Own-" Cloud sang.

"That's good enough" Rufus said. He was obviously bored, his paper which contained all the names of the contestants and now cleverly folded into a paper hat.

Rude dove into his suit jacket inside pocket and drew out a pair of purple tinted sunglasses and dawned them. "Dude, I don't think that was up to par, man. I mean it was okay but not great… More dancing is required I think."

"DEFINATLY MORE DANCING! I LOVE TO DANCE!" Yuffie shrieked in excitement.

"Dancing would be satisfactory" Rufus said now unfolding his paper hat to construct it into a lovely swan. Little unknown fact about Rufus, he is the origami king of the north.

"If dancing is what you want then dancing is what you'll get." Cloud said. His spontaneously ripped off his shirt and preformed the single most greatest boy band routine in history, not even the BackStreet Boys could pull these mad skillz off. It goes with out saying that each judge was shocked to the very core, and I bet they didn't know that men could actually do the splits and the fact that Cloud had this routine ready for them

"STOP! STOP! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH!" Yuffie screamed. Cloud stopped breathing really hard; well you would to after performing that hard. "DO IT AGAIN!" Yuffie scream to Rufus and Rude's horror.

"NO NOT AGAIN!" They shouted in unison.

"Fine, I won't but was the dancing good?" Cloud asked.

"NO!" Both Rufus and Rude screamed in horror, they could not bare to see that display of male gymnastics again.

"YEAH IT WAS BABY!" Yuffie yelled clapping her hands together. At that moment Cloud began to become terrified of Yuffie.

"Uh, I'm going to leave now." Cloud said edging to the door.

"Please, before I shoot myself." Rufus said rubbing his forehead. At these words Cloud bolted out the door.

"SooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo?" Tessa asked in her most annoying voice.

"They didn't like my singing but then after they told me to dance so I did then they hated that even more." Cloud said kind of defeated.

That's to bad but maybe you can still win because it really doesn't matter on how bad you sing, because on American Idol the let that stupid Hill Billy Carrie Underwear or whatever win…I mean who was she sleeping with?" Tessa started her 6-hour rant.

"Fine, this is for the ladies out there." Give the camera a very devilish smile.

Some were off camera a voice could be heard exclaiming, "I MEAN WHO EVEN LIKES COUNTRY MUSIC ANYWAY!"


	4. Chapter 4: Cid's audition

Still I do not own anything…that's sad. Oh well, I'm so excited! I GOT 2 REVIEWS! THEIR MY FIRST ONES EVER WOOT! Thank you Night Genie and videogameandanime-empress for giving me my first ever reviews in the history of the Internet! WOOT!

I completely forgot that I'm not supposed to write in script. The last couple chapters format will be changing but the story will be the same. Thanks again Night Genie!

ON WITH THE SHOW!

ELAPSED TIME OF TESSA RANTING: 35 minutes

Rude, the bald judge stuck his sunglassed head out of the auditioning room door and whistled to get the ranting Tessa's attention. "Yo, Tessa! Get back to work!"

"Oh right! The next contestant will be" Tessa dove her hand into a black top hat and with drew a name " CID HIGHWIND! COME ON UP!"

Cid Highwind gallivanted up to Tessa. He was much taller then her. He had blond hair and was wearing a crooked smile on his face. On his body, he wore a blue T-shirt and jeans. The T-shirt was made our of some sort of thin material and when it lay flat across his stomach you could see all of his abs and he was holding a large spear in one hand.

Tessa stared at him. " A POINTED STICK?"

"It's a spear Tessa we've been over this" Cid answered.

"A POINTED STICK! I just don't get it. How are you supposed to do any damage with that, I mean, this…" She unsheathed her two every large one-handed shotguns. "Is a weapon. Non of this pointed stick nonsense."

" Okay fine you win can I just go and audition now?" He asked.

"Uh, fine sure. Go ahead." She replied distractedly. So, Cid marched right past the auditioning room door and lights and buzzers went off as soon a he past through the door.

"CONGRADULATIONS YOU ARE THE FIRST CONTESTENT NOT TO BE HURLED THROUGH THE DOORS!" Yuffie screamed and sprinkled him with confetti. "YOU MAY NOW AUDITION! WOO HOO!" She through the rest of the confetti on Rufus who did not look pleased.

"I'm going to be singing Hound Dog by Elvis" Cid announced brushing confetti off his shoulders.

"A fine choice." Brushing Confetti off his head while glaring at Yuffie.

Cid cleared his throat got into an Elvis dance pose and sang "You aint nothin but a hound dog Cryin all the time. You aint nothin but a hound dog Cryin all the time. Well, you aint never caught a rabbit and you aint no friend of mine." He then proceeded to dance wildly like Elvis Presley. It was surprising on how good the performance actually was.

The three judges stared at him. Rude even took off his glasses and wiped them clean.

"You can stop now." Rufus finally said. Cid stopped huffing and puffing.

"THAT WAS HORRIBLE" Yuffie screamed and she through her coke bottle at him.

"It was not! I thought it was great! He could be an Elvis impersonator if he wasn't blond!" Rude said to Yuffie, furious at her. "You liked Tifa but not Cid? How does you brain work?" Rude asked throwing his arms in the air.

"It doesn't that's the problem" Rufus replied. Everyone including Yuffie and turned around and looked a Rufus. He looked back at them saying, "What somebody had to say it" He shrugged.

Cid decided this was a good time to leave so he spun around and with one final "Thank-you, Thank you every much" he walked on out of there. Needless to say the judging room will be much frostier for the next contestants.

"So Mr. Pointed Stick, how did it go?" Tessa asked.

"Yuffie didn't like it but Rude did. Rufus just told Yuffie she was an idiot. Then I thought that was a pretty good time to leave." Cid replied

"That was a good idea." Tessa patted him on the head then shooed him away. "Okay next victim is…" She closed her eyes and spun in a circle with her finger out stretched. She stopped and landed on a tall man with black hair and a long red cape with a very tall collar. "Vincent?"


	5. Chapter 5: Vincent's audition

I still don't own Final Fantasy or the characters. I do own Tessa though, she is me. I am her. I'm sorry this took so long, I just haven't been inspired lately. I'm kind of going through a writing kick right now! Enjoy it while it lasts. Oh and I own Chicky too.

* * *

The man that Tessa had just pointed to was considerably taller then her. When he stood by her, she looked like a small monkey playing the cymbals with its owner. He had black hair and gruesome red eyes; he wore a red cape with a very high collar and a black ensemble underneath.

"Huh, hemna, aboo…"Tessa mutter these incomprehensible words.

"So it's my turn?" Vincent said in his very deep, soothing voice. She gazed at him, her eyes twinkling. He smiled at her. Something was going on between them and it was not meant for human eyes.

"You can go in then." She said as she walked him to the door, never pulling her gaze away from him. He stared right back at her, and then he disappeared.

In side the judging room, how ever, it was complete chaos. Rufus had origamied him self a complete wardrobe, including the actual wardrobe. Yuffie and Rude were having an all out screaming war, which threatened Rufus's new wardrobe. Vincent simply looked at them and muttered; "silence" and the room fell quiet.

"Can I sing now?" Vincent asked. The rooms' inhabitants were shocked at the fact the Vincent was auditioning. It's kind of like if Britney Spears said she wanted to be a historian.

"Yes, We are eager to hear what you have for us!" Rufus said now folding himself a new hat. Vincent took a deep breath and sang out to the heavens 'I believe in miracles'. It was superb; though terrifying at the same time. The judges sat in there seats, his voice was amazing. It suited the song so well.

"I Believe in miracles, Where you from? You sexy thing. I believe in miracles since you came along you sexy thing."

All three judges looked like they just watched Cid do an elaborate strip tease. Vincent finished his song.

"Holy crap, Vincent" Rude muttered.

"Was it any good?" He asked reverting back into his cool self.

"It was flipping amazing." Rufus said breathlessly. Yuffie surprisingly enough had fallen silent, she sat in her chair gazing at the tall man. I mean what DO you say when somebody who you thought was completely devoid of fun comes out and belts of amazing tunes.

"I'm going to go then…" Vincent said, the silence was creeping him out. He casually strolled to the door and came back into the noisy chaotic lobby. It had become increasingly more chaotic since Tessa and Cid started to have cockfights.

"Oh Vincent! Your done!" Tessa said getting up and brushing off the chicken feathers. "How did it go?"

"Wonderfully. I left them speechless." He said.

"That's great. It sure didn't take you long in there. You're a quick one!" She smiled happily. Just then a loud squawk was heard from within the circle of the avid cockfight fans. "NO!" Tessa ran and pushed herself into the middle of the circle and picked up her limp chicken. "CHICKY!" She sobbed.

The poultry lifted its beaked head and clucked softly. "I will Chicky! I will avenge your death!" Tessa assured the dying bird. Satisfied the tough old bird's soul was released into the life stream.


	6. Chapter 6: Barret's audition

_I just get crazier and crazier... I may be losing intrest in this story. The chapters are not very long, forgive me._

_Also I don't own Final Fantasy or any of it's characters. I do how ever own Tessa and Chicky._

* * *

Tessa wept over her fallen feathered comrade, just as a large shadow loomed over her quivering frame.

"Is it my turn yet?" A loud booming voice asked. Tessa looked up, whipped away the tears and nodded.

"Go ahead Barret, it's your turn." She said sadly. The tall black man smiled as he turned to the wooden doors of the judging room. He was wearing a vest, with an odd mesh shirt underneath. He seemed normal only instead of an arm, he had a gun and instead of pants…he had a tutu.

The sound of Barret's heavy army boots hitting the floor once again threatened Rufus's paper workings, only this time he had made a zoo. It appears that during the time frame of this show Rufus's mind has been beginning to crack under the pressure of seeing friends and co-workers humiliate themselves.

"Look Rude it's a tiger!" Rufus said as he waved around a small paper cat at him. "Pass me that pen!"

"Why?" Rude responded. It was clear that he was having no fun at all.

" Because I have to put stripes on it, moron. How are you supposed to know what it is?" He said in a very matter of fact way. Rude sighed and passed over his blue pen. Yuffie was still silent from Vincent's audition.

"Hey I've been standing he for a while, can I sing yet?" Barret asked impatiently. They had completely neglected the fact that Barret had been standing there in a tutu for over three minutes, thus ruining the effect of it.

"Get it over with already." Rude said massaging his forehead. Barret grinned and jumped high into the air and landed hard on the ground, shaking Yuffie back to life.

He started to sing 'I Like to Move It' whilst making odd, vulgar, thrusting movements in every direction. He also added beat boxing for flavour.

"YOU LIKE TO MOVE IT" He screamed finally as he slid on his knees towards the judges table.

"THIS IS A BLUE PEN! I have no use for this!" Rufus cried in horror, he had spent the entire audition trying to get the damn thing working. "My tiger looks ridiculous now!" He threw the little blue pen across the floor.

"Well, you didn't specify if it was to be blue or black!" Rude said angrily, trying to avoid looking at him.

"I was making a freaking tiger! What did you expect?" Rufus yelled. Barret looked disappointed, he hung his head in shame, and walked out. Yuffie sat looking petrified.

Barret closed the door behind him only to gaze upon the scene of many people, young and old, gathering around to mourn the death of Chicky.

"We gather here today, to mourn our loss of our beloved farm yard friend, Chickinald McCluckCluck." The minister said softly. "And to say a few words, will be Tessa, his oldest and dearest friend." Tessa got up, she was now in a black full-length dress, wearing a big black sun hat with a veil that shrouded her face.

She looked up at the large mournful crowd. "Not many people knew Chicky like I knew Chicky. He was a loving Rooster, a caring Rooster. He had a hen and two chicks." She nodded gravely at a hen with two small yellow chicks walking around as if unfazed by the death of their beloved Rooster and father. Tessa whipped away a tear. "So strong" she murmured.

Barret then realised that his audition was a failure and he went into the bathroom, changed into his ordinary pants and sobbed.

And it wasn't out of grief for the loss of Chicky.

Well maybe a little.

* * *

RIP Chickinald McCluckCluck 


End file.
